It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Saturday, August 28, 2004
withers away @ 10:30 pm

had pw at kap today. as expected we couldnt finish our written report draft no2. have loads of pw to do now. just hope i can finish all of them within one day. ok not quite possible. but still. ok. haha. i'll create a miracle. if i dont slack i can. but problem is, i do. ok this is getting crappy.
now im printing everything regarding the new incentives the new PM came up with. it's so much!! and trying to write teachers' day cards at the same time. doesnt work. ok nvm. haha.
still attracted to qi li xiang. ok nothing new.
wo ding zhe da tai yang
zhi xiang wei ni cheng san
ni kao zai wo jian bang
shen hu xi pa yi wang
yin wei lao yu de chun you xi wo men kai shi jiao tan
duo xi wang hua ti bu duan yuan you hui yong bu da yang
yuan you hui by jay

It's something Mystical

Friday, August 27, 2004
withers away @ 11:31 pm

monotonous life. nothing much happened. oh yah i fell asleep during bio today. oh gosh. that is like so rare. slept at 1+ last night. maybe that's too late. haha.. mum was chasing me to sleep.
tml going to do pw for the whole day.. lunch with pw group again.. haha.. seems quite standard that we'll at least have a meal or two together a week. im glad im comfortable with my group, if not it'll be disaster. what im worried abt is the state of our written report. gosh.. dun wanna tink abt it >.<
listening to qi li xiang again. frantically trying to remember the lyrics. seems to be more interested in it than promos. of coz. haha.. promos.. dun wanna tink abt it too..
jiu suan mei you jie guo
wo ye neng gou cheng shou
wo zhi dao ni de tong
shi wo gei de cheng nuo
ni shuo gei guo wo zong rong
chen mo shi yin wei bao rong
ru guo yao zou
qing ni ji de wo
ru guo nan guo
qing ni wang le wo
jie kou by jay

It's something Mystical

Thursday, August 26, 2004
withers away @ 11:13 pm

lib duty on tues went on well.. did work.. good.. finished the book i started reading ever since the beginning of this yr.. haha.. it was lucky that i did work, coz when i reached home i didnt have the mood to do anything else..
i am really really really too attracted to qi li xiang. argh.. just cant believe it. listen to it everyday when i go to sch, during sch, after sch, when i go home frm sch and at home!! tatsuketeeee
wo zhi neng yong yuan du zhe dui bai
du zhe wo gei ni de shang hai
wo yuan liang bu liao wo
jiu qing ni dang zuo wo yi bu zai
wo zheng kai shuang yan kan zhe kong bai
wang ji ni dui wo de qi dai
du wan le yi lai
wo hen kuai jiu li kai
ge qian by jay

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, August 24, 2004
withers away @ 12:01 am

watched jia wei's match ytd. haiz. she lost. she was so disappointed. so are we. but i think she really tried her best. :)
tml's me and lg's first night duty. looking forward to it. i want to mug. or do work. i cant mug at home. i need the environment to force me to mug. haiz
i think i screw up sometimes these few days. for no apparent reason. maybe its just the pre-promos-screwing-up syndrome. i have pre-exams-freaking-out syndromes too haha
wo xiang shi ou er nan mian ju sang
xiang li kai xiang duo qi lai
xin li de qi dai
zong shi tian bu man
tao wang by sun yanzi

It's something Mystical

Sunday, August 22, 2004
withers away @ 12:23 am

didnt do any work on ytd and today.. up till now i still cant rmbr what i did ytd.. haha.. today went to westmall with lg.. she lent me her ye hui mei lyrics yeah. shopped around.. saw so many cute stuff haha.. then ate lunch, went to keming. erm slacked alot haha.. did the rosyth maths psle prelim paper. didnt know how to do some qns *shhh* haha.. went back home to watch jia wei play. me and mum were really so hopeful. it was such a tough and tight match right till the end. 7 games. gosh. it was a real pity. she lost. but it was a great fight put up by her.
screwed up today. i wonder why. but i cant pin-point a reason. this is bad. i have to start work! oh shit pw research!!!!
ni shuo wo xiang yi ge xiao hai
zong ai rang ni cai
wo shuo ni cai xiang ge xiao hai
zong yao wo shuo cai ming bai
you xie shi tai kuai
shi qu le deng dai
zhang ai
mei le qi dai
wo men de ai
zen me cai zi ran
mei ci gou tong bu lai
jiu yao li kai
jiu shuo bu yao ai
ai qing xuan ya by jay

It's something Mystical

Friday, August 20, 2004
withers away @ 11:03 pm

pw just sux. got back our written report today. loads to do. gosh. i wonder where the time comes from. there wasnt pe today coz it rained. sux. stayed back to discuss pw. after that practised guitar and went for auditions. sux too. sure die.
but jay's songs just rox haha. just love listening to his songs. can't believe how much i like it.. haha. im addicted to them. qi li xiang!!! haha
yin wei xiang yi ge ren er ji mo
yin wei ai yi ge ren er wen rou
yin wei you yi ge meng er zhi zhuo
yin wei deng yi ge ren er zhe mo

yin wei xiang yi ge ren er jie tuo
yin wei ai yi ge ren er kuan rong
yin wei you yi ge meng er fang zong
yin wei deng yi ge ren er piao bo
yin wei by fan wei qi

It's something Mystical

Thursday, August 19, 2004
withers away @ 11:53 pm

i have like damn a lot to blog.. lets start from Sunday.. had an inspiring homily by father iggy.. "if left to deal with everything alone, we will die." i believe so too. i won�t let myself die.. don�t worry too much:) even if everyone else fails me, i still have God. so i wont die. and i believe that there are people around me who are God-sent. treasure them a lot..
did pw in orchard on Sunday too.. me and casie met first.. barney came later coz he juz finish his bball camp.. ended up eating real late.. casie walked in between and she said she felt like a child going out with her parents. faints.
barney was so out-of-sorts that me and casie wanted to find out what exactly was happening. he wanted to go to the forum to look for his friend who was doing some charity thingy.. but none of us know how to go. in the end joanne came, she knew how to go, and we went there. his friend was selling balloons. in the end he bought 2 heartshaped balloons, one pink one purple for 5 bucks. great. but it was a really sweet pair of balloons. actually i was holding one, joanne was holding one. later joanne pushed hers to me. ended up i was holding both of them. looked weird i think.
we went to coffee bean to do pw. found out that our proposal was sorta marked wrongly. great. and the 1st draft of the written report was due in 3 days. barney started to turn normal and become lame. which we are relieved of. then we started to digress. as usual. casie wanted ice-cream, so joanne accompanied her to macs to buy. they couldn't come inside to eat so they stayed outside. when they came in, casie who was sitting opposite me just looked at me and barney and started laughing. weird. worse still, she couldnt stop laughing. no one understood why. then somehow or another, she came up with the idea of her being the daughter, me being her mama and barney her papa. gosh. joanne ended up being the maid, maria. haha. we were laughing so hard. barney and i were like "huh how did it end up like that?!?!" casie made me and barney take a photo tgt using her cam phone. den joanne with us. casie and her got conspiracy!! they were like whispering to each other. barney and i went "hmm this looks like something bad is going to happen.." indeed. she stood behind us, coz me and barney were sitting down, and when casie was going to shoot, she pushed the two of us tgt. what the. ok nvm. then casie came to take fam photo with us. she sat in the middle of us. took so many of that photo but none came out well.. all because barney refused to cooperate to lean over. so he looked like an outcast haha. well until now i'm still wondering what on earth happened to make things turn out this way. haha. damn comical. but this isn't all..
when we had to go home coz my mum was almost screaming at me, we were thinking of how to dispose of the balloons. none of us wanted to bring it home. ok i wanted to but i couldn't. mum will probably probe like mad. and say how did a pw session turn out to have balloons involved. casie wanted me to bring it home coz "its a present from papa to mama". gosh. she must be trying to divert attention. ohyah. she came in between us also and said she should look like a child and hold hands with her papa and mama. so we held hands and she just refused to hold hands with barney hahahahah.. haiz nvm haha.. just leave them alone..
oh great sunday has just taken up so many words.. ohyah the balloons in the end were just left beside a nice lighted up tree. yupz. mon.. had maths make up lecture.. went home pretty late. checked out the roof which beabu had recommended. weepz could get thru! haha. miracle. erm.. nothing much happened i guess.. ok maybe i just have a bad memory. ok i do have a bad memory.
tues.. pia pw written report first draft like mad.. until about 7. gosh. barney sorta scared us again. didnt say a word during the session. we just left him alone to scribble all his thoughts. intensive thinking of pw on his part is actually quite useful. but scary at the same time. when he finally said something, he sounded so perverted. not as bad as sum but still. then he went to stand beside the railings, look out and stone. we all think he's stressed. just left him alone. but he said he's not. i think most guys work this way. well.. later ate dinner with lg. long time since we ate out alone. long time since i ate with cyn. haiz. and bea and el and mel. haiz.
wed.. was sleeping like a pig.. just too tired i guess.. i was just too pissed. too damn pissed when you refused to listen to me and kept asking me to shut up. ultimately all this translated to nothing but tears. tried so hard to keep them from falling. succeeded. i usually do if i really want to. just don't want you all to see my tears. it would look so damn stupid. sorry, i think i just overreacted. i know you didnt mean it. but i was just too pissed to dismiss it at that. sorry..
today.. nothing much.. oh i like qi li xiang alot.. gosh.. was writing lyrics of it on my econs tut during econs today.. throughout pe lesson while playing tennis i was humming it.. gosh.. wonder how i did that.. actually didnt like it so much when i first heard it.. but the more i listen the more i love it. his songs always have this effect. and i will like different parts of the same song at different times.. qi li xiang's a poem. v long time since i last had time and inspiration to write something like this. haiz..
well now i like this part.. hee..
yu xia zheng ye
wo de ai yi chu jiu xiang yu shui
yuan zi luo ye
gen wo de si nian hou hou yi die
ji ju shi fei
ye wu fa jiang wo de re qing leng que
ni chu xian zai wo shi de mei yi ye
qi li xiang by jay

It's something Mystical

Sunday, August 15, 2004
withers away @ 11:40 pm

i want to send mr lee off. but mum didnt allow me to stay overnight on mon. expected. got me all disappointed. haiz. i think she thinks im pissed. i ignored her for hours and just gave a dao look. couldnt help it. i knew if i talked my tone would sound really bad. haiz. not as though i cant take care of myself. i know she's worried. well it just so reminds me of what happened last yr for the genting trip thing. im turning 18 soon.. haiz nvm..
oh in my hurry forgot the blog about us going back to ny on thurs. so interesting. i must blog it. this whole gang of us went back to ny for no apparent reasons. it was only jasmine who wanted to go back to give out survey forms. casie wanted to accompany her. whole pw group went. so lg came along too. somehow managed to smuggle barney in hahahaha the whole thing was so damn funny. he was so embarrassed he just stood outside the gate at first. in the end faked that he was jasmine's group member. the rest of us all ex-ny girls. haha so joanne managed to come in too. went to canteen to eat. first teacher we met: tac. best. what the. oh saw mdm toh too.. she was eating lunch with tac.. met pck too. she's pregnant! talked a bit. barney turned so red when he was sitting there looking so out of place hahaha.. damn funny.. we were saying that if we stand up and shout that he's from tch, he will confirm die. haha. then saw some juniors running in choir gowns. wrecking brain to think what will happen in this time of the year. in the end managed to talk to.. what's her name.. cheryl isit.. and victoria.. was so nice talking to them again.. heez.
jasmine casie and barney went on to give out survey forms. it was actually only jasmine doing the job. casie and barney just kept talking.. later they disppeared.. we just let them disappear haha.. then brought joanne around.. then me and lg went to look for teachers. saw mrs wong. the maths one. obviously the other mrs wong wont be around. she just gave birth. haha.. me and lg just stood outside the maths dept door and looked at mrs wong while she was doing work, waiting for her to spot us. she took quite some time. haha. then came out talked to us only for a while and went back. she was busy. oh then later we went to sit the swing at the main gate! damn nice!! haha. well when we reached there casie and barney were on one side, karen and jasmine on the other. the guard was staring so hard. haha. juniors too. then barney got off. all the rest of us got on. made barney swing us haha. then casie went off. barney refused to sit down beside me lah. hmmmm haha. he only wants to sit with.. ok fine. haha. in the end he still didnt sit though he wanted to so as to make us stop all the crap. guard was still staring. haha. didnt really bother. we were supposed to do pw. best. haha. played with the tyre swing too. it was nice going back to ny. haiz realised i miss ny so much. hui dao guo qu.. how impossible..
oh and yesterday while walking along the walkway out of the gate, me and lg spotted someone familiar across the fence, sitting at the stone table beside the courts. haha. mrs wong! haha. so we called out to her. she couldnt see us properly. stood up and leaned forward. realisation. "hiyo you all two again!" haha. so damn funny. oh yah yesterday also pon pe to do pw. what the.
there's no need for speculation now. keep your mind at rest. i suppose there's no need to worry too much. to say really, i knew what you were going to say. and i think i can guess what you want to ask. haha. i just hope everything turns out fine. i need to concentrate on sch work now. promos aren't v far away. im lagging behind like shit. and there's nothing called a study break.

It's something Mystical

Friday, August 13, 2004
withers away @ 11:28 am

mr lee's last lesson today. so we had combined. miss him so much. gosh. want to send him off but his flight is at 6am next tues. best. we were thinking of staying overnight in changi airport on mon. that's how much we like him. i want cosy for maths teacher!!!
well capt ball. one win one lose. we lost too badly for the 2nd round. haiz. didn't get through. im still not catching up with work. this is bad. actually its expected.. but its the weekends.. hiya it all goes down to im too lazy. dont feel like doing work then dont do.. i have to force myself to! haha
wo ting zhe hai lang
wen rou de hu xi
wo kan zhe yun duo
piao lai piao qu
you shen me fang fa
rang zi ji zhen de wang ji
sha tan by tao zhe

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, August 11, 2004
withers away @ 12:24 am

i just hope i have the strength. oh well there are just so many stuff that i haven't done! this week is definitely going to be hectic. bless me. i need the strength to carry on.

It's something Mystical

Sunday, August 08, 2004
withers away @ 10:45 pm

hey hey it was sheer fun on fri!!! oh in the morning it was a little boring.. lg and i were commenting on red chickens across the road.. this sounds weird but anyway, terra won the NE trophy!! yoohoo!! we were so mad that we cheered and screamed like no one's business and ran one round on the track. gosh. then joan and i danced the mass dance together somehow though none of us knew the guy's part haha. so perhaps perhaps perhaps was in a whole big mess hahaha.
then we waited for weepz and sean and barney and yan chuan to finish their training and go harbour front tgt. in the end sean barney and yan chuan were noware to be seen. haha. so our gang minus jc went off. i was so tired that i was almost sleeping throughout the whole trip.
sentosa was fun!!! glad that it didnt rain. if not i bet it wouldnt be half as fun. met bea there too! we wanted to play frisbee but it didnt turn out well. in the end the guys ended up playing it. we tried vball. didnt work too. in the end we dragging people out into the sea. casie so didnt want to get into the water. me and lg were trying to drag her. she kept screaming and clinging on to sishan. hahaha. it was so funny.. ultimately i just dragged her all the way and both of us fell into the water haha.
oh then we swam to the float to.. erm.. sun tan? actually i didnt intend to get one but anyway just went there. i just started to try to swim and realized that i forgot how to. haha. well but somehow i had to since i couldnt feel the seabed anymore. so i got it back haha. slacking is so fun! haha. me and lg had to swim over to get casie to the float since she was too scared. oh and casie and gang kept on calling ch ahmad. gosh. i was like so damn embarrassed. in the end the whole day also never talk to him much. we had a fun time. haha. but we were hungry. asked yang to go back and get food. but he didnt come back. what the.. we were like complaining about him haha. i think he's scared of us. pushed him into the water twice. haha. he said he wanted to push us, but he realized there were just too many gals to deal with. haha.
had a nice time with the sun, water and channels 1 and 2. ok and some food. and some talk. overall it was fun and relaxing. yes relaxing is the word. free and easy to do what you like. and some thoughts and reflections. i love the beach.
oh then we played monkey since we got sick of the float. mang juin was so very funny!!! he was the monkey right from the beginning till the end! haha.
later we went for dinner at harbour front. gosh. ended up eating with lg barney and casie. so bright. anyway me casie and barney were complaining about how often we see each other. on fri for dinner, on sat for lunch, today for lunch. if we continued with our plan of having pw again tml, we'll meet for dinner tml. gosh. and on wed for lunch. can't believe sometimes that i see my pw members more than i see joan and lg. haha. oh then me lg yang xuan and barney went to the arcade. and stone. haha. best sia! then we went home.
ok now about ytd. *gosh why is there countless stuff to blog about* had mentoring at keming. were quite apprehensive about it. dunno how the kids would be like. esp after learning what happened to xuan on thurs. haha. in the end i reached first and started looking at maths vectors notes. gosh cant believe i actually did that. later barney arrived. both of us just kept yawning. too tired haha. everyone ended up late. and turned out that mentoring only starts at 8.30, not 8. and lg has gotten me all worried. her phone was off in the morning. she didnt turn up for mentoring. half way through mentoring her phone was on but no one picked it up. no replies for smses. i assume her phone is with her mum. but why didn't she go for mentoring? told mum about it and she said she may have gone to genting again and too late to inform us. o_O. still havent contacted her yet. in the end mentoring went ok. 6 people from our class turned up. me barney casie karen clare jasmine. and we all tutored one kid. haha. he was so scared of barney! intimidated by his sheer size i think haha. then we went for lunch at westmall. couldnt eat much since i was going home for lunch. in the end there was so much food left casie jasmine and barney were trying their best to squeeze down the food. the last popcorn chicken had to be eaten up by me coz i lost in a game of scissors paper stone with barney. oh man can't believe it.
ok now about today. went to orchard to do pw. for the entire afternoon. well typical of our group i guess. ended up in coffee bean doing it since there was no space in the library. so we saw people come and go but we were still stuck in our freezing little corner discussing pw. at first it wasnt really productive as usual. i thought that would be the end of it. suddenly barney just babbled a whole lot of good evaluation. started all of us thinking and joanne writing like crazy. argued like crazy too. but it was a real fruitful session. casie was so scared coz barney really appeared serious. i didnt think much about it. barney also asked me on the trip home if he was. but i seriously didnt think anything much about it until tonight. he really like become really serious. gosh. just didnt seem really like him. wonder what he is thinking. hope he's all right. maybe me and casie are just too sensitive.
oh my finally finished blogging about these 3 days. i just hope i can do my work properly. have been falling asleep every time i try to do work these few days. i must finish doing most of my stuff tml.
its really not that i dont trust you or anything like that. dont ask me for a reason because i dont have one. to most people what i do is only listen. and i am contented with that. don't worry about me because i will really turn out ok. i know you want to help. you are not the only one. but somehow im not someone to confide in many. i kept quiet because i didnt know what to say. i just didnt know what to say. there are so few people i truly confide in now. ok i should say only two. its not because i dont trust the rest or im not close to you or what. i think this is difficult to believe but it is really the case. i believe this will continue to stay this way because i am really contented with it.
no lyrics. today's pw session was good though super mentally taxing.

It's something Mystical

Thursday, August 05, 2004
withers away @ 10:20 pm

oh well today bio banding was out. haiz someone needs to be the buffer again.. my heart goes out to you haha.. and kena pd somemore.. sad case yah... mine though not mrs che, but ok alright is hopefully still better than pd. but casie is quite scared haha..
throughout the day joan was really tired until sch ended.. dear u need sleep! haha.. take care of yourself k.. even mr tan tried to show concern for you yah.. haha..
sometimes its not that i don't want to tell u stuff.. its just that.. actually i also dunno.. its not that i dun trust u.. i guess i'm just not used to trusting more than one person on the same issue at the same time. maybe i'll never get used to it. i dunno lah. but please be rest assured the problem doesnt lie with u. so dun feel useless. just dun irritate me with i dunno what policeman and watermelon and ahmad. when im in a good mood its still ok. when im not all that crap just makes me feel worse. sometimes the teasing really gets on my nerves. i mean how long has it been on!!?!?! all started again because of you!! hahahaha
cyn dear relax.. i know a lot has happened.. and u always have to summarise everything for me since we dun really have a lot of time.. me too.. fact is i have stuff to tell u.. but havent say yet.. haiz.. i dunno lah.. i.. i.. ok forget it.. i shall find time in the national day holidays to tell u or email u.. i need to tell u.. i think.. just feel weird when something happens and i dont tell u..
looking forward to sentosa trip!! last time we went sentosa was orientation for amazing race.. on fri my bday i still remember.. fond memories..
bu guan bie ren zen me kan wo
wo zhi xiang xin ai mei cuo
bu yao dui wo huai yi tai duo
huo qu cai ce wo men de yi hou
ai guo by penny

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, August 03, 2004
withers away @ 11:12 pm

today was fun! capt ball match! haha. we won. 2 matches out of 3. nearly died in the 2nd one. ran so much. gosh. but it was a good fight. so we qualify for finals! next thurs. and lib duty hours are gonna suffer. havent done any this term and we're supposed to do 16h. great.
well mum refused to let me go out for dinner, but eventually still went out with the gang minus emster to ps to eat. me and lg sat down for abt 10min and left. well we expected it. i was actually hesitating whether to go home or not. but ended up wasting money haha. ok i just love our gang too much. well lg walked me to the bus stop. yeah thanks dear:) so ate dinner at like 9+ today?
ok that's abt all. should go. and i dunno do what. ok i don't make sense.
ai zong shi rang ren ku
rang ren jue de bu man zu
tian kong hen da que kan bu qing chu
hao gu du
tian hei hei by sun yanzi

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 12:20 am

just finished practising my guitar! yeah! haha. oh today was a halfday for us haha. so we didnt have much lessons. only maths tut and bio prac. haha. after break it was contact, and we were supposed to watch some skit. we ended up talking at our class stoning area. and talk and stone somemore after that, coz people kept leaving and reappearing. we had to wait for everyone to come before going for lunch.
oh yes before i continue, i have to talk abt barney's bdae. ok barney aka hoone aka kwang mei aka.. ok a whole lot. well we've ie me casie and joanne have thought about this quite long ago and decided to get him something ourselves besides the present from the class. in the end casie bought him a shirt. i was in charge of buying the giant pocky that he loves to eat haha. this one only our pw group know i think. damn funny haha. in the end bea bought it for moi *hugs* thanks! we wanted to use contact session to sing the birthday song, but contact was taken up by the skit. wanted to use econs tut, it was announced that today is halfday. so we decided to do it after bio prac. casie and i were so excited from ytd till today. i conclude we are mad. ok. haha. coz ytd me and casie agreed to send him a msg with bdae wishes. and casie's msg was to tell him that we have no more money in the class fund and so he has no present. haha. oh we sang the bdae song after prac, gave him the shirt and made him eat one of the sour warheads sweets. gosh his expression!! haha me and casie were so looking forward towards it. coz we knew that he is so afraid of sour stuff. we made him eat it before we gave him the giant pocky which he calls qiao ke li bang bing.. fine.. haha.. he was so delighted! haha.
wow that was long. ok. back to lunch. so we went to kap for lunch. it was the full whole gang minus jc. ate so much i was almost bursting. couldnt finish the fries. oh yang is still sick. so he cant eat much. another joker lah. got admitted into tan tock seng emergency dept coz he was having damn high fever and wheezing. suspected of sars. gosh. haha. nearly scare me. still sick ah.. but he still come sch. haiz.
oh weepz joan lg and i went back to sch.. balcony.. played cards there.. its a nice place.. should go there for future "night duties".. see stars.. heez
ai zhen de xu yao yong qi
lai mian dui liu yan fei yu
zhi yao ni yi ge yan shen ken ding
wo de ai jiu you yi yi
wo men dou xu yao yong qi
qu xiang xin hui zai yi qi
ren chao yong ji wo neng gan jue ni
fang zai wo shou xin li
ni de zhen xin
yong qi by fish

It's something Mystical

Monday, August 02, 2004
withers away @ 12:31 am

damn my com. it hung. and all went my whole post. damn it. shall attempt to reproduce it.
been v bad this week.. it must be bad influence.. blame it on weepz..
yang is sick. gosh. really thought he was faking it during pe. who knows he was really ill. and still come to sch.. hope he gets enough rest..
on thurs me and lg supposedly have lib night duty. after rotting for a while in the lib we went to j8 to watch spiderman2. brought back memories.. but it was a fun session. dragged weepz to watch the show though he didnt want to at first. haha how can he fight against 3 of us? it was so damn cold inside the cinema.. me and lg were shivering.. shan't talk about the other two.. sure v warm.. after the movie we went to macs to stone and talk. haha laughed so much until we all nearly died. then it rained cats and dogs. ok donkeys if you like. dashed onto the bus. so got ourselves all drenched. my teeth were chattering literally. eventually talked and stayed still to keep ourselves warm. talked a whole lot. gosh. is that good? i dont know.. ok so we finally reached but it was still raining.. no point running all the way in since we'll get drenched. and i'll get killed by my mum. we will get killed by our mums. so we stood under the overhead bridge and flagged for a taxi. it took so damn long to come. and where were we heading? across the road. that must have sounded real stupid. reached sch finally. called our mums. went to the locker then to the unlit raintree. it was good that it was unlit. if not they would have laughed at me even more. gosh. lucky i wasnt feeling sad or what that day, or else i would have drunk more and got even redder. gosh. only lg was normal. even weepz was red. ok he cant drink too. then went to drink green tea to get rid of the smell. went to the toilet to look in the mirror. and i mean all of us went into the girls toilet haha. i should have went to the guys one. got worried when i looked into the mirror. oh well. but there was nothing i could do. then we left only to find the main gate locked. damnation. and it was still raining. i was stuck on top of the gate for the longest. gosh forgive me lah this is the first time i broke so many rules. then sat in weepz parents lorry to get out. thank god. after i got on the bus, i made the air con blow directly at my face haha. lucky mum didnt see anything wrong with me. guess i can only drink during chalets. and get drunk. and get hangover. ok that's bad. the next day all of us sorta got hangover. all were sleepy. gosh. haha.
ytd: went for mentoring then sectionals then hc carnival. bz yah! shan't elaborate. its 1am now. met cyn! hahaha. so nice.
ok guess i should go.
shi xu gou de dian ying
que kan dao lei fan gun
ru guo ai bu na me shen
jie ju shi bu shi jiu bu hui shang ren
ai qing dian ying

It's something Mystical